I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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