every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
did i just pee glitter
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
