Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
