Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
