i wish there were pregnant emoticons
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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