wrigley field is MILF paradise
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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