I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
