I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
