I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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