"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
