Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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