Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
