Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
