Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you win again, gameday.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
