is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
