A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
