At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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