Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
