so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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