just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you had me at cake vodka
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
