She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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