Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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