Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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