Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
