i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You made out with two different species that night
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
