his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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