she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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