and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am one with the molecules
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
