I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
