Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
