Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just threw up on my dentist
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
