Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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