I want to walk on stilts...naked
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
