your parents love me but you hate me
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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