do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
