Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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