finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You pole danced in your parka.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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