I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
