NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
