he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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