I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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