.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
