Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize