I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
