saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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