I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
