five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
