i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
