Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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