Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
