why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
