help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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