She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
