Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You're like the curious george of whores
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
