Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
