Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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