Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently you make a good broom.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Come share oat with me in your robe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
