new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ladies don't puke and tell
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
