I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I smell like Dick and happiness
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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