Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
