i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
