I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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