He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
