So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
