just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
