Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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