would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
