for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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