But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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