so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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