Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
