If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
