I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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