she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
