pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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