my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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