I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
