take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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