I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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