is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
