I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Damn victory sex feels great
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
