when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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