she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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