oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
