Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
