you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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