it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
