he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
