I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
