And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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