what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
