I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
