I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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