i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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