The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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