Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she smelled like a LAN party
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
