I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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