New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
