He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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