why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize