I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
