the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
