haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
