Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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