I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
